“Wow,” Eleanor sighs, leaning back in her chair. “That’s... Something.”
“It’s all so fucked up,” I let out a breath, picking up my latte.
I was at Starbucks with Eleanor, Danielle, and Soha. Perrie would be here too, but she has rehearsals because of her upcoming tour. I just had finished explaining to the girls about what had happened between Harry and I last night, and it’s safe to say that the girls were shocked. Obviously, I understand why they are shocked – heck, even I am.
Last night I hadn’t gotten any amount of sleep at all. I was twisting and turning in my bed, rethinking over and over what happened with Harry and I. I kissed him – and I liked it! But I can’t really say that. Harry... He’s my weakness. Whenever I’m around him, my heart starts beating faster, my knees become wobbly, my breathing hitches, and I just can’t seem to think straight. His voice sends shivers down my spine, his lips make me want to kiss him so badly, and his eyes always have me lost in them, and I just can’t pull myself out.
You can’t understand how hard it is to say no when he asks to be back with me. Unless you’ve been in love before, you have no idea at how hard it is, no matter how much he has fucked you over, hurt you, or messed up. When I’m in love, I have the habit of looking past every single bad thing in Harry, and will do anything to have him back in my life. And no matter how strong I think I am, and no matter how many times I tell everyone that I will never let someone back into my life who hurt me so much, love changes everything. It makes you weak and vulnerable, and changes what you believe in, how you act, everything, and no matter what he has done, you would still do anything for him.
That’s me and Harry. I love him so much, I know I do, but he hurt me. I’m conflicted on whether or not I should take him back. My heart says that I should, but my brain is telling me otherwise. That he hurt me, and he’ll most likely hurt me again.
Love is complicated.
“Do you think he hates me?” I ask suddenly, putting down my drink.
“No, no!” Danielle says. “Of course he doesn’t, Carls. The boy loves you.”
I let out a sigh. “Things are so messed up,” I say. “I just want them to go back to the way they were.”
“Why don’t you want to be with Harry, though?” Soha asks, leaning forward. “I’m not understanding that.”
I put my cup down. “I’m just scared, you know,” I say, crossing my legs. “I’m terrified that if we get back together, then something is gonna go wrong again. That we’ll just end up breaking up all over again.”
“You have to take risk though, Carly,” Soha says. “I mean, when Niall and I first started going out, I was scared that if things didn’t work out, our friendship would be ruined. I’ve been best friends with him since I was a baby, and I didn’t want anything to go wrong. But I risked it, since I like him too much to not be with him.” She licks her lips as she looks at me. “Love comes with risks, Carly. You’re never gonna find out if you and Harry are meant to be if you don’t risk it.”
I think about Soha’s words for a minute. If I don’t risk it, then I’m never gonna know. But I don’t know if I can. “But this whole long distance thing,” I groan. “It was already hard enough the first time. And the paps won’t stay out of our business. I just don’t know how to handle it.”
“Carls, you’re just gonna have to put your faith and trust in Harry,” Eleanor says, rubbing my left arm. “You both are famous world wide; the paparazzi are gonna wanna know what you two are up to. But you’re just gonna have to ignore it, and just trust Harry.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” I bite my lower lip. “I don’t know if I can.”
“You’ll figure it out, babe,” Danielle gives me a sympathetic smile.
“Hopefully,” I mutter.
The four of us continue our conversation, going from talking about Harry to talking about shoes and clothes. We all were laughing and talking, not caring who heard us. “Hey, Carly, who’s that cutie who’s looking your way?” Eleanor asks. I give her a confused look, and she motions her head towards the door.
I turn my head, and then my eyes widen as I see the guy. Those familiar light brown eyes and dark brown shaggy hair, it was hard to miss. I grin widely as I stand up and walk over to the boy. “Luke!” I grin, hugging my tall cousin.
Luke hugs me back, smiling. “Hey there, shorty,” he looks down at me. “Surprise seeing you here.”
“I’m around for a few more days before I leave,” I tell him. “Come on, meet my friends.” Luke follows me back to the girls, and they look up at him, confused. “Guys, this is my cousin Luke. Luke, these are my friends Danielle, Soha, and Eleanor,” I introduce.
The girls all smile up at him. “Hi,” they all say.
“Nice to meet you,” Luke winks.
“Oi, back off,” I slap his chest playfully. “They’re all taken.”
Luke snaps his fingers. “Damn,” he mutters, causing the girls and I to laugh. “So, Carls, what brings you to London?”
I shrug. “Visiting friends and my family.”
“And you didn’t think about visiting me?” he narrows his eyes at me. “Oh, I see how it is.”
I wrap my arms around his torso, hugging him sideways. “Aw, don’t be pouty.”
We all talked for a while, until Eleanor and Soha had to go to Uni and Danielle had to go to X Factor rehearsal. So then it was just Luke and I. We decided to get out of Starbucks, so we started walking around in the cool London air. It was nice spending some time alone with Luke. Not only is he my cousin, but he’s like a brother to me. He’s like, seven months older than me, so kind of like an older brother. We look alike a bit, it’s just that his eyes are a bit lighter.
As we walk, Luke puts his hands in his jeans pocket. “So what’s going on with you and Styles?” he asks. “I heard you two broke up a while ago.”
I sigh. “Yeah, we did,” I say. “But it’s complicated...”
“How so?” he asks, turning his head slightly. So while we walk, I explain everything to Luke that happened in the past few months. He listened intently as we sat on a park bench in Hyde Park, with my pouring my heart out. By the time I finished, Luke ran a hand through his messy hair, letting out a low whistle. “Looks like you got yourself into a big issue, Carls,” he says.
“Thanks, like I didn’t know that already,” I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
Luke chuckles. “Well, no matter how pissed I am at Styles for hurting you,” he says, “I think you should give him another chance.”
My head snaps towards him. “What? Why?” I ask, frowning.
“Look, Carly, the only time I saw you and Harry together was at that Christmas party,” Luke begins. “But you two looked so in love. I know you, Carly, and I know that you love Harry. So why are you kidding yourself? Just get back with him already.”
I run a hand through my hair, letting out a groan. “Why is everyone saying that? You guys make it sound like it’s so easy, but it’s not.”
“No, Carly, it is easy,” Luke argues. “You’re just making it harder than it needs to be. I mean, look at it from Harry’s point of view. He knows he made a mistake – a big one, in fact – but everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect, people make mistakes. You even make mistakes. Don’t let one mistake keep you from being with the one guy you love.”
I turn my head, looking at my cousin. Luke has never been one to give advice or be serious, so hearing him say all of this stuff about me forgiving Harry was kind of shocking. But Luke was right; everyone makes mistakes, and they deserve second chances. And be just letting go of Harry after one mistake he made is kind of unfair to him.
“You’re right,” I say after a while, looking ahead. “But I just want to wait... To figure my feelings out once and for all.”
Luke nods, agreeing. “You should do that, it sounds like a good idea,” he says. “But don’t keep him waiting too long, alright? Harry’s been waiting for a couple of months, and making him wait longer is just gonna make him wanna give up.”
I lick my lips. “Thanks, Luke,” I say. “I really needed that.”
“Of course. You’re my little cousin,” he grins, pecking my cheek.
I roll my eyes, nudging his shoulder with mine. The two of us continue talking, and I take my phone out and snap a picture of the two of us. Stretching my arm out, I take a selfie of the two of us, grinning widely at the camera.
@CarlyMcKinley: Cousins? Nah, we’re best friends. Xx @Luke_F pic.twitter.com/ALX9341
Once the picture was posted, Luke says to me, “I think you should talk to Harry. Work things out with him.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, thinking it over. A harmless dinner can’t do any harm can it? “Fine,” I sigh. “I’ll call him.”
Hey. Meet me at TGI Friday’s in an hour? Xx
I bite my bottom lip, contemplating on what I should say. Picking up my phone, I reply to her.
Sure. I’ll see you there. X
I lick my bottom lip, laying back down on my bed as I stared at the ceiling. My hands reached up and tangled themselves in my curls, letting out a breath. Last night was unbelievable – in a good or bad way, I don’t know. Kissing Carly was pure bliss, but she pulled away. She is still mad at me.The look on her face was pure shock and regret, which hurt. She regrets kissing me, and she won’t move on from the Kate thing.
I understand that Carly is hurt, but what ever happened to forgive and forget? Fuck, I probably just destroyed the friendship we had building up. But why does she want to meet me at TGI Friday’s, then? I look at the clock, only to find out I’ve been lying in bed for fifteen minutes. I need to meet Carly in forty-five minutes. Forcing myself off of my bed, I took off my shirt and walked over to my dresser to take out another one.
As I did, I looked down at the necklaces I was wearing. One was my paper airplane one, and the other was the one Carly had given me. I let out a sigh, before pulling out a black full sleeved shirt and putting it on. Once I had my jeans on, I put on a belt, my Converse, and grabbed a coat and scarf. I walked down the stairs and into the living room, where the rest of the lads were.
“Where are you going?” Zayn asks.
“Carly wants to meet up,” I say, grabbing my car keys.
“Don’t screw it up, Haz,” Louis tells me as I put on my coat.
I let out a quiet sigh. “I won’t,” I say, wrapping the scarf around my neck and walking out of the flat.
Getting into my black Range Rover, I drive to TGI Friday’s. My hands kept clenching and unclenching the steering wheel as I drove, not knowing what’s going to happen tonight between Carly and I. Seeing her cry last night was awful, something I don’t want to see. And when Louis told me how much she was crying when he drove her home, my heart broke. I hate hearing or seeing her cry. And I hate it even more when I know that I’m the cause of her crying. That I’m the cause of her tears.
Once I pulled up in the parking lot of the restaurant, I walked in and immediately spotted Carly sitting in a small booth off in the side, looking at her hands that were resting on the table top. I stand there for a minute, looking at her. She was wearing skinny jeans and black heels, a yellow blouse, and her black jacket and scarf were resting on the seat beside her. Licking my lips, I walked over and slid in across from her.
“Hey,” I greet her with a small smile.
Carly’s head snaps up towards me, giving me a smile. “Hey,” she says. “Thanks for meeting me.”
“No problem,” I say. “Let’s order, yeah?” She nods and a waitress comes and takes our orders. Once she has our orders, she leaves to get our food, leaving just Carly and I. “So, what did you want to talk about?” I ask, even though I knew the answer.
Carly lets out a small breath. “Just... Us,” she says. “Last night kind of ended a bit roughly.”
I nodded, agreeing. “Yeah, I know,” I say. “I didn’t mean for that to happen, or yell at you, for that matter.”
I notice Carly bite the inside of her cheek. “Me neither. I didn’t mean to yell at you either.”
We stay silent for a while, looking at the people around us. I look back at Carly, a breath escaping my lips. “What happened to us, Carly?” I ask her, sighing. Carly looks at me, and I lick my lips. “We used to get along so well and... Now everything’s fucked up.”
Before Carly could respond, the waitress returned and put our food in front of us. We thanked her as she left, and Carly looked at me. “Harry,” she says. “Do you want to get back together?”
My eyes widen as I hear her question. Was she seriously asking me this? I look at her, my mouth forming an ‘o’ shape. “Um, yeah, I do,” I say.
Carly puffs out her cheeks as she releases a breath. “That’s what I’d thought you’d say,” she says. “I want to get back together too, Harry. But I think I just need some time. I know I’ve kept you waiting for like, ten months, but I don’t think I’m ready yet. Personally, I don’t get why you’re still waiting around,” she ends with a small, humorous chuckle.
I give her a small smile. “It’s because I love you, Carls,” I say. She looks up from her drink as she sips her soda. “And I don’t care how long I’m gonna have to wait. Take all the time you need. I’m willing to wait as long as you need me to.”
Carly looks up, her eyes locking with mine. The corner of her lips go up as she smiles slightly. She bites her bottom lip lightly, shaking her head as she chuckles. “You’re really amazing, Harry,” she says, picking up a French fry and eating it.
I grin, exposing my dimples. “I know,” I wink.
Carly laughs and throws a fry at me, hitting my face and then landing on top of my plate of fries. I give her a look and she just smiles, eating her chicken.
This was so much easier. I had feared this dinner would end awfully and in tears, but that’s not what happened. In fact, the opposite. Here are the two of us, laughing and enjoying our dinner like old friends, like nothing is wrong. I can’t help but smile as I watch Carly smiling and laughing, enjoying her time here with me. The two of us just sit there and eat, talking about a lot of different things.
“So are you doing a tour for your second album?” I ask her, taking a bite of my burger.
Carly shakes her head. “No,” she says, putting down her soda. “I was thinking that I’d rather do a tour for my third album, and then I’ll just include songs from the second album in it.”
My eyes widen. “A third album? Already?”
Carly shrugs. “I’ve been writing some lyrics down, and I have like, one song done. It’s a good one, and I really like it,” she smiles.
“What’s it called?” I ask.
“Who Says,” Carly grins.
The two of us stay at the restaurant for about an hour and a half, until it’s time for us to leave. I insist on paying for the check and once we do, Carly and I leave the restaurant. I walk her to her car before walking to my own. “So I’ll see you later?” I ask her, smiling.
“How about we all go to the amusement park tomorrow?” she suggests. “I haven’t been to one in a while.”
“Sounds great. I’ll let the lads know,” I say. “Good night, Carly,” I add, kissing her cheek.
“Night, Haz,” she smiles back, before getting into her car.
I give her a wave as she backs out of the lot and drives away. Walking back towards my car, a smile is on my face. Sitting in the drivers seat, I sit there for a minute. The grin on my face doesn’t waver a bit as I think of how great tonight went. I pull out my phone, going on Twitter.
@Harry_Styles: Tonight was a great night... XxChapter